OUTGROWING FRIENDSHIP YOU THOUGHT WOULD LAST FOREVER

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Remember the quote? "Twenty friends cannot play for twenty years" 


There is this kind of pain and betrayal that doesn't come from our enemies but from people we once called our own. We look at someone we once called "our personal person", the "we live and die together" people in our lives or "the brother or sister from another mother" and somehow, now they all  seem like strangers to us and the energy feels off. 


The people you laughed with, the ones who knew how you started out in your life, the people you thought would be there no matter what and yet, something changed. The inside joke no longer land the same, the conversation feels forced and you sometimes catch them pretending to be happy about those things that no longer move you. And deep down, you start to hear a voice in your head saying "I thought we would be friends forever" 


Outgrowing a friendship can be one of the most painful, confusing and lonely experiences and It's not always about a fight or betrayal, it's sometimes just about growth, becoming a true adult. 


It's not necessarily that you stopped caring or became enemies with those people you called friends, you simply changed and they probably decided not to change with you. And the hard truth that might take a while for one to find out is that not every friendship is built to last for a lifetime.


We sometimes become friends with some people for a reason while others come into our lives to fill a void left by someone who was there earlier. Learning to accept that a friendship has served its purpose is hard, but it's necessary for personal growth. No one really prepares you for the reality that not everyone is meant to grow and stay with you. 


At the start of every friendship, everything looks good and well, same energy, sometimes the same magnitude and direction, but as we go forward, the differences then start to show up. 


Some of us start to grow in discipline, others decide to stay comfortable. While some people start seeking consistency with focus, others choose distraction. When some of us starts to value the purpose of depth, some decide to stay at the surface. And gradually, the connection with them begin to fade away. 


Although, the friendship we're outgrowing sometimes help to open doors to deeper and more healthier and reliable ones. We may start to attract people who are ready to accept us for who we are and celebrate our wins rather than seeing it as a competition. We come across people who challenge us to become a better version of ourselves and learn to stay the same. This time around, we may end up finding people who bring us peace instead of those who want to hold us down and cause chaos. And most importantly, we learn to become our own best friends first. 


How many times have we had it said to us by someone when we were in school that "we would be friends forever" only for us to realize that being in school was what kept us together? How many times have we been promised by someone to stand by us through thick and thin only for them to be nowhere when things went south? These kind of examples are the ones that pushes us want to stay small and be rooted in our own values and purpose. Although they might not necessarily become friends we have to outgrow, but choosing our own self worth over a friendship that's not working may mean we might need to leave them behind. 


It's okay to outgrow friendships because growth itself sometimes is uncomfortable. Growth is not selfishness, it's not acting like you're brand new... It's evolution. And with evolution, old habits, old mindsets or even relationships, one of it must pay the price. Like someone would always say "Intentional growth comes with separation". 


The moment a relationship becomes questionable about if we're growing or not, then we probably need to move on because not all loyalty is growth and it shows that we're only trying to hold not because it's working but because of what it used to be. Sometimes, staying in the wrong environment just to prove loyalty can slow down progress and we begin to shrink just to maintain a connection that no longer fits. 


There is a quote that says "moving on is simple, it is what we leave behind that makes it difficult". If we hold onto something for too long, it begins to cost us a part of ourselves. The longer we hold on when it's not working, the longer the effects. It can affect our mindset, our vision of what we're trying to become and our discipline as well. That's not friendship, that is us abandoning our true self. 


Real friendship doesn't stand in your way but rather encourage you. They don't make you feel guilty of becoming a better person, they challenge you to do more. They either want to grow with you or give you your space to grow respectfully. 


If you have someone who doesn't understand your growth and they see it as a problem, you don't need to hate them, you just need to find a way to let them go with maturity, respect and without making them feel like they are your enemies because not every "the end" needs drama, some just need understanding. 


We must all understand that people come into our lives walk with us, to support and teach as we go through life. Once a person is done with their purpose, we somehow just find it hard to keep them close to ourselves. 


Outgrowing some of our friends is not about keeping a small circle, for a fact that not all people are meant to stay with us forever, we must prepare for that time when our change will bring a change to those people we've been walking with. Why? Our conversations will change and priorities will change. Everyone at that time might be trying to figure out what they want and how they're to go about it and eventually, new people would align with that stage of your life at the expense of the old ones who failed to grow with us. 


We should not be afraid of the better person we're becoming just because some of our friends are not ready to accept that new person we turn out to be, it's our choice to decide what to do with them, and most especially, our comfort must not be the cost price.


In the end, if we're able to choose correctly who should go and who should stay, that growth will bring us something more special than what we've let go. If in any relationship we get the true connection we deserve, clarity and peace, for no reason must we allow such people to leave our lives because those things are not things that a forced relationship can replace. 


Growth is a part of life, and it is a one step at a time thing.



KOR Academy 

Unlocking your most wanted desires 

+2349037245182


Al-Ikram Islamic Institute 

Faith. Discipline. Wisdom 

+2349063870527

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